Florida football: FSU can’t stop doing dumb things

Dear FSU football,

We have had our fun over the years bantering back and forth with you. We know you mean well and just want to return to your glory days just like we are trying to return to ours.

But if we can have a serious chat for a moment, you need help. We’re getting a little worried about your constant cries for attention.

You know how they say most lottery winners end up going broke?

That’s becoming you.

It started during Jimbo’s final season with you becoming so distracted that you didn’t even bother to check if your schedule was actually compliant for bowl eligibility.

From there you turned into the kid at the party that just does weird and random things so that we would continue to notice you.

We want healthy competition with you because Thanksgiving weekend is more fun when both of us are good. The noon kickoffs we were starting to have with you guys just wasn’t the same.

We started to do our part and we wanted you to do the same.

We wanted you to do something.

But you took that a little too literally.

But hey, we all make mistakes. As long as we learn from them right?

But you just kept doing weird stuff like losing the ability to count correctly.

You started having wide receivers line up backwards. You spent every last dime you had to remove Willie Taggart, only to replace him with a guy that everyone tried to boycott.

Now it just seems you’ve given up. Recruiting is in the tank, everyone bailed on your BBQ last month to come to ours, and now you’re sending out scholarship offers to players that can’t even spell “Official Offer” correctly.

We really are here to help, but you have to stop lying to yourself.

”Top 20 Public Institution in the nation.”

Come on now, you’re barely even a top 20 public institution in Tallahassee.

We have other schools vying for our attention too you know. UCF fans just had a top five all-time program moment by winning the 2021 Gasparilla Bowl. Miami just built a brand new locker room inside a party bus. USF at least provides people living in Tampa a more convenient way to watch us.

Please do better, it’s not the same without you.

On second thought who are we kidding. Watching Jacksonville State waltz into your endzone was our most cathartic moment last year besides firing Todd Grantham.

And since we know details really aren’t your thing, just remember our game this year is on Friday. Please try to show up on time.

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