Harvey Updyke Owns 66 Alabama Hats; Challenge Accepted

We all know there’s something not all together right about notorious Alabama fan Harvey Updyke. After bragging about his exploits at Toomer’s Corner and becoming an instant celebrity for all the wrong reasons, Updyke could have gone quiet. Let me rephrase that: he should have gone quiet. Then again, that wouldn’t have been much fun for the rest of us. Instead, we’ve been subjected to copious amounts of unintentional humor and general idiocy since Updyke decided it would be a great idea to join Twitter.

We can’t blame the hats for being subjected to the ridicule of the man. They are innocent bystanders in all of this, forced into being accomplices to all that went too far in the fanatical following of one’s favorite team. One day, they were among friends on a shelf somewhere just waiting to be picked out by a true Alabama fan with some sense of self-control. The next, they were found by a true fan, but one without the ability to stop himself from taking things overboard. Such is the life of team apparel. You may be cherished, protected, and even loved, but you don’t pick the home you’ll go to; it picks you.

After discovering Updyke’s passion for hats, I thought to myself “I’m more similar to him than I ever wanted to believe.” I have hats too. I have a lot of hats. There was one serious problem though: despite a large collection overall, only three of them are Florida hats. Think the score of the 2005 game was bad – 31-3? Updyke was beating me up and down the field to the tune of 66-3. 66-3!!! After making that realization, I found it hard to live with myself (something I’m sure Updyke struggles with every day), so I set out to do something about it. Beat Harvey.

There are a few things working in my favor and a few employed by the other side. First of all, I live a mere 90 minutes from Gainesville. That means I’m in the middle of a treasure trove of Gators apparel and memorabilia. Head to any sports store and you’ll think the University of Florida is next door. In other words, it’s not hard to find Gators hats at all. I also have that wonderful thing called the Internet at my disposal. These days, you can order anything from anywhere in the world and have it to you in a relatively reasonable amount of time. And finally, I have Updyke on years. At nearly half his age, my time to accumulate additional hats is substantially more than his. Well, I hope.

There are a few of problems though. For starters, I have only those three Gators hats. That may be hard to imagine, especially if you know how often I wear hats, but my hat wearing variety spans a number of other options – from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Montreal Canadiens to a Boston University hat I recently picked up on a trip. Then there’s the money factor. Sure, I could go out this weekend and in one fell swoop make a serious run at Updyke’s total, but I enjoy my life and the living situation I currently have. I don’t want to spend the rest of the hot Florida summer sleeping in my garage. And last, but not least, I wear these hats. It’s one thing to have a collection; it’s another to use said collection. I’m sure there are hundreds of different styles out there. I’m also sure there are hundreds I wouldn’t wear. That doesn’t mean I can’t get out of my comfort zone, but it does eliminate a few options.

So here I am – 63 hats in the hole. It may take me some time. It may happen quicker than I think. Either way, I’ve accepted the challenge. One day, I will out hat Harvey Updyke. One day, I will proudly purchase Gators hat number 67 and smile. And through it all, I’ll be sure to keep you updated (check out the graphic at the top of this post and in the far right sidebar). After all, I will not quit. Harvey, I’m coming for you.

And with that, here are the lone three waiting to welcome new members into their family.