Dissecting the Famous Florida Gator Redneck Picture

In a few short hours, I will be departing for the country. A few friends and I are packing up and heading down to a ranch a few hours south of Tampa where we will partake in 4-wheeling, shooting at things that move, and a number of other country exploits. Let me clear this up though…THAT AIN’T ME! Oh I’ll have fun and I’m actually pretty excited about it, but this isn’t a typical occurrence for me. I’m of the air-conditioning persona. I like the indoors, sweat profusely when I step into the sun, and haven’t been camping, well, ever. I’m the farthest thing from country you’ll ever meet.

But I darn sure respect those that embrace it and more importantly, have grown to love the two outstanding gentlemen in the picture. You see, fans from other schools constantly bring up things like Gainesville being country or the jean shorts. But you know what? We Florida fans think it’s funny. We don’t get mad when someone says “Gators wear jean shorts.” We laugh. Hell, I have a koozie that is a pair of Florida jorts (thanks One-Eyed Willy). And another one that is the Gator logo plastered on camo. We embrace it and have fun with it. So, while you other fans out there may think you’re hitting us below the belt, just remember, below the belt is nothing but fine cutoff denim.

With that out of the way, here’s what I respect about Red and Tebone (I have no idea what the gentlemen above go by, but those nicknames seemed appropriate somehow):

1. It’s a joke people! So many people think this is really them. That this represents Gator fans as a whole. But look closer. Their outfits are obviously a joke and I commend them for it. Red has a Livestrong bracelet on. That means this isn’t some picture from the 80s someone happened to stumble across. It means it’s very recent. To further prove that, take a look at Tebone’s sunglasses. They don’t really fit the entire ensemble, but those are a modern pair of shades. To me that means this picture was taken within the last few years and these two are obviously poking their own fun at the whole redneck Gator fan thing. Good job gentlemen!

2. Natty Light. The fact that they are carrying around the 12-pack further proves it’s a joke. They want everyone to see the beer. They’re Gator fans. They’re drinking cheap beer (I personally would’ve gone for Busch Light, but that’s just my preference). And they don’t give a rat’s ass what you think about them!

3. The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. It looks like this all occurred at a Florida/Georgia game. The girl (or is that a boy with long hair?) with the David Greene jersey to the left of Red gives that away. What could be more country than Florida/Georgia in Jacksonville? These outfits aren’t nearly as funny at a Florida/FSU game or some early season cupcake matchup. It’s Jacksonville. It’s the Gators vs. the Bulldogs. And it’s classic. I bet the people sitting next to these two at the game had an absolute blast and were entertained the entire time.

4. The jean shorts. These boys clearly should’ve asked their moms to help cut down their old jeans. The haphazard lengths lead me to believe this was done after a 12-pack or two of that Natty Light. I can just picture these two sitting around a few days before making the trek to Jacksonville and saying “you know what would be funny? Go get the scissors!”

5. And finally, the all-star of this photo: Red. Red, I commend and salute you. You laugh in the face of skin cancer. You have no regard for your own long-term skin health, but instead do what you do for the amusement of others. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t been outside in years; this is Florida/Georgia and you are committed to your role as a Gator fan. You don the tank top proudly when it’s quite obvious you should always be wearing sleeves. While your buddy Tebone joined you in sporting jean shorts, you said “I will NOT stop just above the knee! I will keep cutting until you are blinded by my pasty white thighs!” You are a king among men Red and I hope one day I’m at a Gator game and see you because you are a man I need a picture with!